Thursday, July 02, 2009

Not well

That is the response to the unasked question, "So, Pattie, how do you handle stress?"

Not well.

I just read a blog post by my friend Dana about changes she's endured in the past several months. It gave me an idea about some changes I would like to make but am not really sure how.

2009 has not shaped up to be what I thought it would be. My two very best friends have both gone through immense changes in their lives this year (one dealt with her husband's brain tumor, almost losing him, and then miraculous healing and ongoing recovery; the other nursed her husband through a stroke, only to have him file divorce papers. It became final a few days ago). What does that have to do with me? Everything. Because I haven't been nearby. I haven't been the friend bringing casseroles, or pizza, or taking the kids for a day, or just giving hugs.

We chose to have some remodeling done, and that's taken much longer than I thought it would (the results are going to be worth it, though, hopefully today...). Friends here are moving right, left, east, west, and south (none north...tough to move further north than we are, unless it's Alaska!) and every day seems like another goodbye.

So today I found myself falling apart after being asked the simple question, "What's wrong?"

Was it cathartic to "lose my cool"? Yeah, of course. Emotionally draining. I feel . . . human. I'm an imperfect human with unrealistic expectations placed upon me by . . . me.

And I just don't know how to stop.

I need to learn to make some good and healthy changes in how I react to things. Situations. Crises.

So I pray.

Psalm 66:19-20 tells me:

But God did listen!
He paid attention to my prayer.
Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer
or withdraw his unfailing love from me.


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