Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Random Wednesday Thoughts

Good morning to my few but faithful readers!

I haven't been blogging a whole lot lately. I struggle with the desire to write in a public forum, and yet for many reasons I must keep a lot of my life private. The ghosts of past fears and wrongs done to me online also continue to haunt me years later, cautioning me to think and rethink posts in my head.

Another reason? The insecurity of knowing I am not the writer I want to be, or that others are, often silences my fingers and my voice. That is a type of fear, I think. Not at all in keeping with my theme of being brave.

So, as my thumb has continued to heal, typing has gotten easier for me. I am grateful to the Lord for that, and a good doctor who reassured me I was taking good care of it (as he also took pictures of the poor prodded thing with his BlackBerry!).

It's been a cool and wet fall here in the northern plains, not the warm-cool combo I grew to love in the Missouri I consider my home state. The leaves fell while still green, so with few exceptions it hasn't been a pretty autumn here, after a much cooler and still wet spring and summer. I still try to find beauty where I can, and enjoy the sun during the moments it chooses to shine.

As a landmark birthday approaches, I have been challenged by more than one person to make a "bucket list" of sorts. I have not done that, playing the avoidance game I'm becoming so adept at doing. So I avoid, and I wait, and I avoid some more.

I continue to journal my spiritual walk, and on the days I miss, I can feel it. On the days I begin in the Word, it's just that much better. Funny how that lesson keeps on giving.

I will be writing during National Novel Writing Month again this year. I can't seem to back down from that challenge. Beginning a new Word document each November 1st has become a tradition. I've only reached the 50K goal once, last year. But what a great exercise in discipline and in writing.

I don't write as often as I should, and I still feel as scattered to the four winds as ever in terms of narrowing my focus. I can either beat myself up about it (bad) or choose to be a "jane-of-all-trades-mistress-of-none" kind of woman.

And those are my random Wednesday thoughts! Thanks for reading my blog, and I hope to have more to offer in the days and weeks ahead.

1 comment:

Teri Lynne said...

Pattie, I so "get" this. I know what I should be doing but I am so afraid of failing ... I keep myself busy doing productive things. But I am putting off the dream God has given me ... because I read far better writers than I am every day on blogs all over the internet, because I don't understand the process of getting to the ranks of published authors, because I am afraid of failing, because I am afraid of succeeding, because ... there are many becauses, too many to list. But "because" is keeping me from being brave. Thank you for sharing from your heart today ... I needed it.