I'm on a mission--a mission of love for God and a desire to serve Him.
To that end, I'm exploring what my spiritual gifts might be. I've taken several online gifts surveys this morning, and I see a pattern emerging. Granted, these are not extensive tests, but I feel the more I take, the better I may see the results.
I have a strong sense that I have allowed events in my past to dictate how I act, and how I choose to serve, in the church. This is wrong, and I am repentant before God for this.
So far my top scores tend to be in administration/leadership, teaching, and exhortation. Service usually follows closely behind.
Because of fear, I usually take a backseat to leadership. I will reluctantly, and usually under duress or someone else's urging, put on the mantle because I'm afraid of what people may say or think or do against me. My greatest fear has always been that I would hinder my husband's ministry in some way, as I've been accused of in the past.
You know what, though? It's been five years. The woman whose internet posts and mean-spirited emails shaped me into this fearful woman, a shadow of what I might have been, has moved on. She has had her own burdens to bear, and I recently discovered she has a new service-oriented career herself. Why should SHE move on when I am in stasis, frozen in five years ago, afraid to say or do something that may or may not cause someone to accuse me of something horrible that is in all likelihood not even true?
I'm moving on. We've moved literally across three states. I think it's time to move myself along with me.