Saturday, April 05, 2008

Generation NeXt Marriage

Mawiage . . . Mawiage is wot bwings us togevah, today. Dat bwessed awwangement, dat dweam wiffin a dweam. . . . so chewwish youah wuv . . .

If you recognize this line, you're my favorite blog reader! Seriously. I love The Princess Bride. It's one of the best movies of all time, in my book. It released in theaters in 1987, but wasn't popular (it was probably overshadowed by Dirty Dancing), yet it lives on as a cult classic thanks to VCRs and now DVDs.

I'm here to tell you about Generation NeXt Marriage by Tricia Goyer. I think I've mentioned this before, but Tricia is my writing hero. She writes fiction and nonfiction award-winning books, is a wife and mother, a minister, AND...she homeschools. And blogs, too, and with great panache!

I had the privilege of helping author Tricia Goyer with this book. She’d send emails full of questions and I’d answer as many as I could. Some of this happened in the midst of our move to North Dakota, two years ago now (which tells you how VERY LONG it takes for a book to make it from publisher approval “Yes, we would love for you to write this book!” to actual publication in January of this year).

I’d love to give you a list of pages on which I’m quoted, but there’s only one. Ironically, it’s in the (shhh...she whispers) sex chapter. I say ironically because, well, it just is, trust me! Nevertheless, perhaps my one statement for posterity will help someone else in life.

So, what’s this book about?

Do you still find yourself humming the love songs of the 80s and 90s?

Do you still believe that every marriage should be between soul mates?

But -- do you wonder how you can succeed at love and marriage when the generation you grew up in didn't?

Marriage isn't what it used to be-it can be better than ever.

If you are a Gen Xer, your marriage has challenges and potentials that no other generation has known. A Gen Xer herself, Tricia Goyer offers realistic help to achieve the God-honoring marriage you long for. She includes:

·Ways to protect your marriage despite the broken relationships modeled in your youth

·Stories, suggestions, and confessions from fellow Gen Xers facing the "What now?" question of real-life marriage

·Advice from the ultimate marriage survival guide: the Bible

·Stats, quizzes, sidebars, and study questions related to this "relationally challenged" time in history

·Practical helps for negotiating kids, work, sex, money, and dirty laundry-sometimes all in the same evening

If you are part of a generation of adults who don't want to bow to their culture or live and love like their parents did -- this book is for you.

Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Well, it IS! It's a super book, a companion piece to Generation NeXt Parenting which came out last year.

Here is more great advice from the book:

Five unique marriage challenges faced by Gen Xers and how to tackle them!

1. Gen Xers saw more divorces than successful marriages. The divorce rate doubled between 1965-1977 and Gen Xers were the victims. 40% of us spent time in a single-family home before age 16. We grew up in families with step-moms and half-siblings and living every other weekend with a different parent and faced the loneliness and alienation of our splintered families. As married adults, Gen Xers can meet their spouse's need by speaking encouraging words, which are like gold stars to a Gen Xer's heart -- and by never using the D-word. As author Madeleine L'Engle once said, "There are a lot of marriages today that break up just at the point where they could mature and deepen."

2. Without role models, many GenXers turned to music, movies and television for examples of healthy relationships. Now, we often model our relationships after television sitcoms. We are good at quick comebacks and sassy remarks, without taking time to consider the other person's heart. We also want our problems wrapped up in thirty minutes or less! Instead, Gen Xers need to understand that unrealistic expectations can hurt our relationships. We also need to treat out spouses with honor and respect, even when we don't feel like they deserve it.

3. Our teen relationships were intense and often included sexuality, leading to intense breakups and the resulting baggage. By the time many GenXers walked down the aisle, they'd experienced several "pretend-marriages." Spouses can break free from these bonds when we realize the truth about love, the truth about emotions, and the truth about intimacy. It's knowing that what we had in the past wasn't love -- and emotions don't rule. True intimacy is choosing to share our hearts and our struggles with the one we're committed to for life.

4. Gen Xers were starved for quality time, so they appreciate balance. Doing too much stresses us out. The first thing Gen Xers need to do is realize the impact of our faced-pace lives, and then make plans for peace. It's cutting out things that won't matter ten years from now and focusing on the things that will.

5. Gen Xers were labeled the "slackers" and the "grunge" generation. The generations before didn't think we'd amount to much. Because of this, Gen Xers strive hard to prove themselves. We aren't content just "living life," we want to reach our full potential. Spouses can encourage each other to follow their heart dreams. This starts with asking your spouse out his/her dreams, then offering encouragement and support.

The "assignment" for this blog tour was to take one chapter of the book and share how that chapter, or the principles in the chapter, have helped you in your marriage.

Chapter 14 is called "Be Good to Yourself." One of the principles Tricia talks about in this chapter is avoiding the "letting yourself go" thing that women sometimes do when they've been married for a long time. Last January, I decided I needed to do something to improve my health. I wasn't exercising, I was beginning to gain weight, and I felt terrible. I joined a local Curves as a part of our community's "Health Trip 2007" and within a few weeks noticed I was feeling better about myself. My husband supported me in this endeavor, not because he thought I was fat or lazy, but because he wants me to be healthy and active. He wants us to stay in good health so that we can continue to raise our family and continue in ministry as long as we can.

Today I work as a trainerat my Curves, I have lost a few "fat pounds" and feel so much better about myself! My husband, now a military man, is required to stay in shape. But he loves MY shape too. And that helps us in other aspects of our married life.

PS: We will be celebrating our 17th anniversary next month!

That's my story! Now, what about yours?

Love Gen X Style!

Share your story and WIN a dinner for TWO to the restaurant of your choice! ($50 maximum)

Tell us the story of how you and your spouse met. If you have photos, send those along, too! The winning story will be chosen at the end of the blog tour and will be posted on Tricia's GenX blog. More comments on your post increases your chance of winning ... so tell your friends!

Contest form:

Are you convinced you need this book? You can purchase the book here.

[s]Finally....I have a copy of this book to give away! Please leave a comment with an email address (you can disguise it from the spammers!) and tell me one fabulous thing about your spouse! My readers and I would LOVE to know! I will randomly select a winner next Sunday, April 12th.[/s]Since the two commenters are people on the tour already and the publicist, I am going to give this away elsewhere. Thanks anyway!

Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend!


e-Mom said...

It's wonderful that you had the opportunity to work on this book! I enjoyed your review.

Just stopped by on Tricia's blog tour. (I'll be posting a review on Wed.) When you get a chance, I hope you'll say Hi!

e-Mom @ Chrysalis

amyanne said...

Loved it? Heck, I'm still quoting it today! No more rhyming I mean it...anyone one want a peanut?

Loved this book too!

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