I hate provocation. Conflict. Emotional displays. Craziness. Arguing. Did I mention conflict?
All of this makes me literally feel sick. Just typing this makes me have that familiar unease in the pit of my stomach.
In my family, I became the peacemaker when my parents split up. For a long time I was their go-between. Both my husband and my counselor at the time told me to stop, so I did. But I kept on with my role as the family peacemaker.
I know I'm wounded from many events and people, and the desire for everyone to be happy is so strong that I often deny myself the very peace I crave by tamping down my own feelings and wants and thoughts in order to make peace with others, to make sure everyone else is happy.
This tendency has spilled over into many of my friendships as well. My friends know this about me, and some of them probably unconsciously (or who knows, maybe consciously) use this to their own advantage. Or not. I don't know because we don't talk about this.
So I don't know what to say to a topic such as provoke, because to consciously provoke someone is to cause conflict, which I do not like.