Wednesday, June 06, 2012
Day 2 of 15 Habits
While day 1 was declaration, day 2 is belief and faith in myself as a writer. This is where I always break down in my resolve, in my practice, in my self-talk, and in my heart.
I am insecure.
There, I admit it. I'm insecure about myself and my writing. It's not my career, but it's more than a hobby to me. So I'm left floating aimlessly in the sea of "why do I do this?"
I am a trained, certified, experienced secondary English teacher, currently working as a college composition instructor. Most of my students now are between the ages of 25-55, and many are my own age. I have incredible joy in my job, and I believe it's where God wants me. It's that "sweet spot" where even when it's hard, it's still good. Taking time off from education was the right thing for me at the time, and going back last fall was the absolutely right thing to do.
Herein lies the irony.
I teach others to write, but I don't follow my own advice.
I don't write daily anymore. I allowed the business and busy-ness of my life to take precedence.
I took the few rejections I received when I thought I was to be a freelance writer, planted them in my heart, and they grew and choked out a lot of my dreams. Unkind words, careless words, all watered and fertilized those plants. Weeds, really. Choking out the fruit that will last (John 15:16).
This is why I am pursuing these 15 habits. One reason I'm regrouping this summer, working on finding my identity first in Christ, and then in His work. Finding His will. Pursuing Him, reading His Word, and resting in His promises.