In case of emergency, please call me

October 17:

For a military wife new to the area, this is one issue that is SUCH a concern. It may not seem like a huge deal, but it really can be.

Offer to be her emergency contact person.

You'd be surprised at how often paperwork of various kinds asks for an emergency contact that is not family. I think you'd also be very surprised at how much your offer to do this means to her.



Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Vehicular Care

October 16:

This would be a great way to help a friend or family  - or if you're really ambitious, make it a church project for all military families, single ladies, etc.

Offer to change her oil.

Or, you can offer to pay for her oil change with a nice little gift certificate or something, too.

Or, you can offer to watch her kids so she can go get the oil changed and grab a coffee and some quiet time in the process.

Sometimes it's the things that seem little to some people, but are a huge monster deal to someone who's already feeling overwhelmed.



Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

3 Ways to Encourage with Dinner

October 13, 14, and 15:

Dinner plans when the military service member is away can often be hit-or-miss for a busy spouse, especially when she's doing it all with the kids' schedules, working part-time or full-time, or both!

Here are three unobtrusive ways to help your military spouse friend out with her dinner plans.

1. Invite her over, old-school. (If she already started her dinner, have her bring it over like a potluck.)
2. Make dinner and take it over to her house.
3. Give her a gift card to her favorite restaurant so she can go out on a day she doesn't feel like cooking.

Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

We Get It

October 12:

If you are not a military spouse but have a friend who is, you may have come across a few of those venting blogs. You know the ones. "I hate it when my civilian friend says her husband's business trip is just like my husband's deployment." On the other side of the coin, it's more like this: "My friend's husband is in a war zone and I don't know what to say. I mean, my husband only had to go to Austin, not Afghanistan."

Let me share something with you from my perspective. It's okay to talk to your friend. Because the truth of the matter is this:

Gone is gone.

When the husband is gone, things are not the same. Your heart is in another location, and it makes life harder when the one you share that life with is not at home.

It's okay to talk about it, but it's not okay to make assumptions. You know what they say about the word assume :)


Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Prayer for Patience

October 11:

One way to encourage a military wife friend in your life is to pray for her to have an extra measure of patience. Patience is a tough commodity for your military wife friend, one that is needed often. We military families, who often seem to live by the saying "Hurry up and wait," tend to do a lot of waiting: We wait for news about our husband's promotions, his next school assignment, his next TDY (like a business trip), his next deployment, his next duty station (will we move? where? when?), and the list could go on and on.

Patience would be a welcome commodity in the life of any military wife.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

Galatians 5:22-23, (NLT)

Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

The Leaf and Snow Corollary

October 10:

The corollary to yesterday's post about yard work:

It's autumn, so that means if you live near any trees at all, leaves likely cover the bulk of your yard. Another way to help a military wife whose husband is gone would be to rake the leaves in her yard.

During winter, helping with snow shoveling really, really helps too.



Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Yard Work

October 9:

When I asked friends about how best to encourage a military wife whose husband is away for any length of time, the #1 answer was:

MOW THE YARD

You'll give her the biggest blessing with one of the hardest tasks if you mow and trim the yard. If you're a gardener, offer to help weed the flower beds too.


Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Please don't say it

October 8

I read a lot of military spouse information online, so oftentimes I'm not sure what content makes it out of the mil-spouse bubble and what doesn't. But one of the least helpful things I've ever heard or read is this:

You chose this life. You knew what you were getting into when you married a __________ {soldier/sailor/airman/marine/coast guard/reservist/guard member}.

Friends, this is not helpful. At all. Because there are many of us who did not marry a military service member. Then there are others of us who got married with stars in our eyes and love in our hearts, and we didn't have any clue what was in our futures.

Just like everyone else.

So the next time you hear a military wife friend express frustration over something with her husband's job, or worries aloud about whether or not her husband's next paycheck will be coming, extend to her a bit of grace. Don't say that least helpful thing; instead, offer to pray with her about her concerns.

Proverbs 16:9 says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."

We may not know what tomorrow holds, but we know Who holds tomorrow.


Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Let's talk about pets, baby...

October 7

There are many reasons why military families travel. Sometimes there is an opportunity for a pre-deployment or post-deployment vacation together, or an opportunity to visit their extended families. Sometimes the family needs to travel for an emergency of one kind or another. And sometimes, like anyone else, they want to take a special trip for a special occasion. It's not always feasible to take their furry, feathered, or finned friends with them, and kenneling is sometimes difficult to find and expensive, too.

Enter the world of pet-sitting. Dogs and cats and hamsters and fish need attention when their families travel, especially around the holidays. If you're willing and able, offer to watch a military family's pet while they travel. Better yet, if you have older children, ask them to do this. The military family will appreciate having their pet pampered while they're away, and it will cost them a fraction of the cost of a professional kennel.



Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Get to know a military wife

October 6 (Happy birthday to Chaplain Hubby!)

Today's tip goes out to those of you in the civilian world who may not have wanted to take the time to get to know any military wives in your church or community. You might be intimidated by her camouflage diaper bag at church, or her air of confidence. You may think, "Well, she's a military wife. She's probably leaving soon anyway, and she has one of those family groups on the military installation that she probably belongs to. She doesn't need me. I don't even understand half of what those letters mean that she said in Sunday school!" If she's a Guard or reserve spouse, you don't even know what that means! It's too confusing.

While all of those things might be true, I'd like to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and get to know a military spouse. You might find a kindred spirit. You might find a prayer or accountability partner. Or you might not--but you made an effort, and that will not go unnoticed by her, or by our Father in heaven.

"Even though we might be leaving soon, we are still worth the time it takes to get to know us." (The credit for this goes to my friend Melissa.)


Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Give her a book

October 5:

If you just read the best book ever, loan it to your military wife friend. She may not have time to get to the bookstore or library, or she might not have the funds to buy the book herself. Share the literary love!

If it's a great book you love and don't want to part with, buy her her own copy and either give it to her with a note - or, if you want to be all ninja-stealth, you can have it sent to her from the major online retailer of your choice anonymously as a gift. (I've done this before--it's really fun.)


Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Wash her car/mom van/SUV

October 4:

One tangible, hands-on way you can help your military wife friend--especially if her husband is away--is to clean her car. Or her mom van. Or her SUV. Whatever her vehicle is, you can help her by cleaning it up a bit.

It doesn't have to be professional, and it can be at her house or yours.

Chances are pretty good that she will say "no" if you offer, so don't give her a choice--either swap vehicles with her for the afternoon, or invite her over for dinner and let your teenagers do it. (Family service is a beautiful thing.) Or, find out when she's not going somewhere, and pack up your cleaning supplies and head on over to her garage to work on it while her baby's napping.

A tangible, practical thing to do to help out a busy mom who's had to do it all for a while and might just about live in her van at this point.


Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Prayer Request: Strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow

October 3:

Today, please pray for your military wife friend. She needs it, even if she won't tell you she does. Whether or not her husband is home right now, she needs prayer.

Today, pray for her strength--strength of spirit, of mind, of body. Pray for her health--health of spirit, of mind, of body. Pray for patience with her family, with the craziness of life during a government shutdown, patience with her husband and his job, and patience with herself.

As the old hymn says, "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow--blessings all mine with ten thousand beside!" You can be a blessing to her today.

Thank you for your prayers for my military wife sisters around the globe.


Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

Snail Mail

October 2: 

If you have a military wife friend in your life, sit down and write her a card and then mail it to her. It doesn't have to be long, and it doesn't have to be anything profound. Just let her know you're thinking of her. Send her a Bible verse that reminded you of her. Let her know you are thinking of her and are praying for her. Really, anything will be fine, because it's from YOU.

Snail mail can mean the world to a military wife. It's something tangible that she can hold in her hands that is meant for her and her alone. She can tuck it into her Bible, or tape it over her bathroom mirror. It lets her know she is not alone.

To read the intro post to this series, please click here.

Email or Text Her to Say Hello

October 1: 

If you have a military wife friend in your life, and you have been wondering how to reach out to her, never fear! Email is here! So are cell phones--three cheers for technology! (Facebook messaging works too.)

In this crazy busy world we live in, it can often feel lonely to a military wife. She may have just PCSed (moved) to a new location and feel alone. Or she's stuck at home with sick kids while her husband is TDY (away for a short while, sometimes a few days, sometimes a few weeks or even months). Or her husband is deployed for many months at a stretch. For the reserve or Guard wife, she may be far away from military services or any support whatsoever.

An email or text message from you can lift her spirits and brighten her day. It doesn't have to be long, and it doesn't have to be anything profound. Just let her know you're thinking of her. Send her a funny joke or photo. Let her know you are thinking of her and are praying for her. Really, anything will be fine, because it's from YOU.

To read the intro post to this series, please click here.

31 Ways to Encourage a Military Wife Friend

Welcome! As the title notes, I'm a military chaplain's wife. My husband joined the reserves in 2002 and went active duty in 2006. It's been a crazy, wild adventure ever since!

When the #31Days of Blogging popped up again in my Facebook news feed last week, I began thinking of a topic, and for my writing blog I decided to share 31 Inspiring Quotations. Then my friend Teri Lynne suggested - and I read it as a challenge - that I share 31 ways of encouraging military wives.

Even though I am a military wife, I'm also in women's ministry. While I identify with this group, I don't always fit in with the group. After being a pastor's wife for 14 years, being a chaplain's wife felt easy--until my husband deployed. That even seemed easier in some ways than all the expectations that were placed upon me by well-meaning (and sometimes those who were not well-meaning) church members.

Anyway, back to Teri Lynne. She and I have known each other for a long time--she knew me when my greatest ambition was to teach high school. She knew me before I would ever agree to marry a minister. She helped me pass debate, for the love of all things! (Thanks, Teri. You still rock.)

So I did what I always do. I started a list in my notebook, and I asked the hard questions on Facebook.

A couple of days later, I had my list of 31 things.

Thank you for joining me in this journey, and I hope and pray that you will choose just a couple of things on this list to do for a military wife in your acquaintance. And if you're here and don't know anyone who is affiliated with the military, you can always take the prayer request posts and pray. Pray for our military service members. Pray for their spouses. Pray for their children. Pray for their parents and extended families.

One quick disclaimer: Because I am a woman and a wife, I am writing this specifically from my point of view, offering suggestions given to me by other military wives. Please know that I do not mean to exclude the male military spouse. Since I don't know any in my immediate acquaintance (all the ones I know are in dual-career marriages, which is a whole other experience), I had no one to ask. If you happen to know of a family where the wife is the active duty member, I still contend that the prayer requests are valid for all military families - all branches, active, Guard, and reserve. You can always pray, and you can still offer to help in ways big and small.

Part of The Nester's #31Days - click to find more fabulousness

Link to all the posts in this series

Link to my other #31Days series of Inspiring Quotations

31 Days to Encourage a Military Wife in Your Life

Coming Soon in October...stay tuned!